Last Updated on February 15, 2024 by Stacy Averette
My faith is weak. There. I said it. The truth is out. You heard it straight from me.
Here’s the thing: My faith hasn’t always been weak. I guess you could say “I’m in a season . . .”
I know what it feels like to believe that God can do anything and to have a faith that can move mountains. Yet, here I am stumbling in fear. I say I have faith but you know, we can say anything. How do we live? Well, that reveals what we really believe.
I discovered this week that I’m not alone in my fear-full ways. God used an email from a dear friend to encourage me and to remind me of how He’s been at work in my life the last few months and I want to share it with you.
What Fear Can Do
I opened my inbox and saw this email from a friend.
“I realized that I make A LOT of decisions based on fear….fear of how my boss (pastor) might respond, fear that [my husband] won’t like something, fear that I’ll be criticized, fear that I won’t have the emotional energy to deal with that criticism, fear that I’ll not have time, etc., etc….. You think you know yourself, and then the Holy Spirit hits you upside the head!”
“The Holy Spirit hits you upside the head!” I almost laughed out loud when I read that! Friend, have you ever been hit upside the head by the Holy Spirit? I hope so because it’s awesome! No, really, It’s totally awesome! Sometimes we humans do what humans do, live in fear instead of faith, and the Holy Spirit does what the Holy Spirit does. He lovingly convicts and points out the recklessness of our sinful ways and redirects us toward the Truth. AKA He hits us upside the head!
Here’s my story:
Last year I sensed that I should let go of my habit of Reading Through the Bible and do something different in 2022.
By mid-December, I had a strong desire to read and study the Gospels in 2022—Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Honestly, my first thought was, “Well that’ll be easy.”
I found a plan online to help me read through all four gospels every month. “I’ll read through the Gospels 12 times next year,” I thought as I patted myself on the back. #recoveringoveracheiver. I was feeling pretty spiritual and I’m sure God was laughing because He already knew what I didn’t.
It’s the middle of January and I should be well into Luke’s Gospel but I haven’t even made it through the Gospel of Mark yet! Y’all, it’s like I’m reading the Gospels for the first time and what keeps jumping out at me is the difference between living in fear and living by faith.
In Mark 5: 21-43 Jairus is patiently waiting for Jesus to come and heal his sick daughter when men from his house show up and say matter-of-factly, “Your daughter is dead. Why bother the teacher anymore?”
I try and imagine what it must have been like, to be a father on my knees in the dirt at the feet of Jesus, pleading for the life of my deathly sick little girl. An old woman who’s been sick for a long time accidentally breaks in line and gets the healing I want so desperately for my girl. My heart thuds as I wait and wait and wait for The Healer who’s in no hurry. I see the men from my house coming my way. Silently, I cotton-mouthed-beg for Him to act, to speak, to heal. But He’s still talking and I’m wringing my hands and I know from the look on their face . . . “Your daughter is dead. Why bother the teacher anymore?”
That’s when the Holy Spirit hit me upside the head. That’s you, Stacy. You’ve become like those men with the “Why bother?” attitude.
“Me, Lord? Are you sure?”
Friend, do you know what living in fear will do? It will make you cynical and skeptical.
Why bother?
Cynicism.
The Holy Spirit was right and I knew it.
2021 was a hard year and I was heartbroken as I realized I’d made it harder than it had to be and robbed myself of a lot of joy and peace because I had chosen to live in fear. And fear had taken its toll.
Remember when I said getting hit upside the head by the Holy Spirit is awesome? It is and here’s one reason why:
A hundred times last year I’d asked Eric, “What’s wrong with me and my attitude sometimes?” He usually treated it as a rhetorical question and never answered it. I blamed Covid, the Devil, and a whole bunch of other things but I never even considered that my real problem was fear.
Fear.
- I was thankful for the Holy Spirit head-slap and relieved, too, because Jesus offered me a simple life-changing solution.
What Faith Can Do
I go back to the Word and see Jesus and my own grief-stricken humanity. I feel sick to my stomach as the death announcement is swallowed up in the noise of the crowd. But Jesus hears. And I can feel Him looking at me.
He is not phased by their cynicism or my disappointment.
From the mouth of Kindness I hear these 5 words:
“Don’t be afraid. Just believe.”
He makes it sound so easy, doesn’t He. But when we stop to consider what He’s really saying, we realize it is easy.
He’s saying:
-
- Believe in Me.
- Believe in what I can do.
- Believe in who I am.
- Believe that I love you.
- Believe that I can heal, provide, and restore.
- Believe that My timing is perfect.
- Let go of your fear and just believe.
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Deuteronomy 31:8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
One last thing before you go. I have to share one of my favorite songs ever, performed by the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. You’re gonna love it!
