“Who Am I Now?” Finding Your Identity in a New Season of Life

Last Updated on February 14, 2024 by Stacy Averette

I didn’t go to the DMV that Monday morning expecting to have one of life’s existential questions answered but here I am writing about it. I was there to get my expired driver’s license renewed (oops!) and the nice man behind the window was surprisingly chatty. He asked me how my day was going—“Great so far!” I replied and then I asked about his. Quite cheerfully he said, “It started off poorly. I lost my keys and spilled my coffee.” I sympathized recalling some days I’ve had like that lately. He reviewed the details on my license and then asked, “Are you still a homemaker?” After an awkward pause, I smiled and said, “Yes. Yes, I’m still a homemaker.” He snapped my photo, printed my temporary license and I was on my way.

The interaction may not seem particularly odd or interesting to you but here’s the thing: For a few years I wrestled with the question, “Who am I?” For the better part of the last twenty years, I identified as a full-time homemaker/stay-at-home-homeschooling-mom. In 2018, my last child still living at home graduated and moved on just as my older children had done in previous years.

Initially, I felt a huge sense of relief. My children had happily and successfully launched into adulthood. I was happy for them and happy for me! I enjoyed the new, slower, quieter pace and the rest of my empty nest until I experienced a bit of an identity crisis. “Who am I now?” I thought to myself.

My internal struggle was intensified as others began asking:

• • “What are you going to do now with all the extra time?”
  • “You must feel lost without a house full of people!”
  • “I’ll bet you don’t know what to do with yourself!”

I was still a mom but my role had changed and I still had a home to make but the rhythm and pace and routines had changed too with the empty nest.

I think the biggest issue for me was that I felt like I should be doing more now that I “had more time”.  Simply being a mom of young adults, a wife, an empty-nest homemaker, and the manager of our small business didn’t seem like enough. As I type that last sentence and see it in black and white it seems crazy that I thought and felt that way but I did.

So why am I sharing this story? Because I think—no, I know—that lots of other women feel the same way. The season you’re in and the hats you wear may look completely different from mine but I’ve yet to meet a woman who didn’t struggle at some point to feel like she was doing enough.

Home-Maker

For the past few years, I’ve journaled and talked to God about my life, asking Him all the questions about my purpose in this season. He was silent. But even His silence has a sanctifying purpose. You see, what I’ve come to understand sitting with Him in the silence is that sometimes when we ask God a question we’re really expecting him to give us the answer we’ve decided we need. So all those times when I asked God, “What do you want me to do with my life?” what I was really asking is, “What do you want me to do differently than what I’m already doing with my life?” I was hoping for a big assignment that would make me feel and seem like I was “living up to my potential” and doing “important” things. I wanted to know that I was living with “kingdom purpose” to use a good churchy word.

I was hoping He would change my life or make me content — instantly. (I’ve also learned that God’s speed is quite different than the one most of us expect and desire sometimes.)

That day at the DMV, when I replied, “Yes, I’m still a homemaker” was the beginning of God answering my big existential question in the most ordinary ways. He helped me see that in every season of my life beginning in childhood, no matter the hats I might have worn, I have always been a Home-Maker.

One definition of home is a safe haven or comfort zone.

Home: a safe haven or comfort zone

Friend, I am convinced that we as women, whatever degree we may have earned, job title we hold, single or married, a mother or not, we are at our core Home-Makers. I’ve yet to meet a woman who didn’t concern herself with the comfort and care of others, inside and outside the walls of her home. Wherever you go you’ll find women with a deep passion for feeding others, creating cozy spaces, and making life beautiful for themselves and their friends, loved ones, coworkers, and even strangers.

We as women have a deep desire rooted in a divine calling to show up in the world and create safe havens and comfort zones wherever we go. We are Home-Makers.

We often say that the kitchen is the heart of a home, but I believe that statement is rooted in the fact that a woman is the heart of the kitchen.

A woman is the heart of a home and she carries with her the true meaning of home wherever she goes and shares it with whomever she meets.

These words have been in my heart for a while. I’ve written post after post like this but never hit “publish”. Why? Because I learned first-hand that our culture has a cheap, narrow view of what it means to be a Home-Maker.. Women who choose to embrace and prioritize home and family are shamed and guilt-tripped. I am baffled and saddened by it even after all these years.

So today I’m here to cheer you on. Whether you spend most of your time at home or you work outside the home, know that you are a Home-Maker. Proclaim it proudly. Whether you have a full nest or an empty one, married or single or widowed, your work matters. Show up in the world as a woman on a mission. Embrace your work in the strength and joy of the Lord.

Let go of what you thought your life would look like in this season. Let go of what you or others think your life should look like in this season. Live and love your actual God-given life, beautiful and sometimes messy, life.

I used to struggle with how to answer the question, “What do you do?” Can you identify yourself with just one title? I sure can’t. When I was in full-time ministry, I was a Home-Maker. When I was a stay-at-home-mom I was also a business owner/manager and teacher/leader. I mean it’s complicated, right?!

A while back, I was on the phone with one of my adult children and I mentioned my existential crisis. I said, “I’m in my 50s and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my life in this season.” He said, “What’s wrong with what you’re doing?”

He was right.

These days when someone says, “What do you do?” I just say, “I’m a Home-Maker.” I’ve let go of the need to explain— to prove my worth and value to the world. God sees and knows and I’m resting in Him. I hope you will, too.

Father, help us today to live with joy in Your strength. Help us to see the beauty and blessing of ordinary faithfulness. Teach us how to be Home-Makers for your glory in all the places you’ve called us to serve. In Jesus’ name, Amen.