Yes, you read that right. You need to unfriend the mean girl. Have you ever unfriended anyone? I have and I don’t regret it. Unfriending someone on social media or in real life isn’t a decision I take lightly or make hastily. Boundaries and hard lines have been crossed repeatedly and with malice before I will even consider distancing myself from someone. What may surprise you is that I’ve been a mean girl. Keep reading to hear my story.
I Am a Mean Girl
I know what you’re thinking. “That sweet Stacy, she couldn’t possibly be a mean girl!”
Bless your heart.
But you’re wrong.
I’ve looked a woman square in the eye and said some mean things.
- You’re overweight and out of shape.
- You should be ashamed for not taking better care of yourself.
- What are you thinking with that hairstyle?
- You’re really not very good at what you do.
- You scare people the way you talk loud and laugh loud.
- You’re a real disappointment. No one will admit that to you but they’re thinking it.
- You don’t have what it takes to finish that project or achieve that goal.
- No one cares what you think so just shut up.
Oh, and I don’t stop there. I’ll even say mean things about her to others, too!
I choke back tears of regret and deep sadness as I write these words and taste the poison I’ve spewed. What’s wrong with me?!
If you were to hear me say those things to your daughter or best friend, how would you respond?
Feel sorry for me?
Pray for me?
All of the above?
Now’s probably a good time to tell you that, yes, I am a mean girl, but most, if not all, of my mean girlness is directed at me.
(If I’ve ever been a mean girl to you, please forgive me.)
I see my reflection day after day dressed with the shame and criticism of my own words. In my mind, I berate myself, my looks, and my ability. My husband or a friend pays me a compliment and I quickly dismiss it, always laughing at my self-deprecating humor oblivious to a heart sour with self-loathing and self-sabotaging. I shun the goodness of my God-created soul in favor of a lifeless, chalk outline version of me and my mistakes.
I Am His Beloved
Two unedited photos. Both of them me.
In one I’m “fixed up” enjoying a pot of tea at The English Tea Room.
In the other, I’m in my pajamas on a lazy Saturday morning Face timing my daughter. She’s making a funny face, too, and I had to take a photo!
In both, I’m enjoying myself immensely!
Both of them are me.
I love the one on the left.
When the mean girl sees the one on the right she nitpicks every flaw. Her cruel words flow with effortless familiarity.
A lady at church said to me the day after this photo, “You always look so put together.”
I said, “If you only knew.”
On a daily basis, I fight fear, insecurity, laziness, and regret. I have trust issues and a deep-rooted sense of shame and guilt. The perfect outfit, makeup, and jewelry can’t protect me from the mean girl.
But I am His beloved! Chosen, redeemed, forgiven and free. The girl in both photos!
He tenderly convicts the mean girl in me.
He invites me to believe who He says I am.
He challenges me to receive a compliment with gratitude.
I know I’m not the only one. Do you have a mean girl in you, too?
From puberty to postpartum to menopause and everything in between, we are bombarded with lies about our worth and our purpose. When we choose to believe them and speak them to ourselves, we’re in trouble.
Here’s the truth I want you to know:
I keep writing and sharing and teaching NOT because I’m “so put together” or have all my ducks in a row but because I’m taking hold of what Christ did for me and full-armor-fighting the Enemy who THINKS he can take it away!
Will you fight too?
You, friend, are His beloved. YOU are chosen, redeemed, forgive, and free!
If you’re not yet convinced consider this:
Why You Need to Unfriend the Mean Girl in Your Mirror
- You’re taking sides with the Enemy against yourself. He cannot take away the salvation that is yours by grace through faith in Christ. But if you insist on being friends with that mean girl, you’re not able to experience the abundant life Christ died to give you.
- You’ll become the mean girl to others. “The mouth speaks out of the overflow of the heart” Luke 6:45 Enough said.
- You’re insulting God. We flippantly make comments about ourselves to ourselves not realizing that we’re also speaking those words to the God who created us. Saying flippantly some form of, “I’m a piece of crap” might not seem so bad. But imagine saying to God, “That’s a piece of crap you made when you made me, God.” There may be art or music that you don’t like but you wouldn’t think of harshly criticizing the serious work of an artist to her face. God hears every harsh thing we say to ourselves and I believe He’s grieved by it. “It is for freedom Christ set us free.” Galatians 5:1
- You’ll never be truly happy and living the abundant life Christ offers. You’re putting out the joy fires and hiding the light within you when you give the mean girl a voice. She’s not being constructive or helpful. She’s mean and her words will destroy you if you let her.
- You’ll never change. Maybe there are changes that you want and need to make in your life. Letting the mean girl run the show will not get you there. Robert S. McGee in The Search for Significance says: “We cannot experience a permanent change in our behavior without first changing what we believe about ourselves.”
So are you ready to unfriend the mean girl? Yeah. Me, too. This will help.
Do this the next time you’re tempted to criticize yourself: Think.
We’ve probably used this acronym to help us THINK about our responses to others but I know we need to apply it when we talk to ourselves.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Is it true? Is it fact or really just an opinion or feeling about myself?
- Is it helpful? Will it help me or hurt me?
- Is it inspiring? Does it motivate or encourage me?
- Is it necessary? Would it be better left unsaid? Does it improve on silence?
- Is it kind? Is it loving? Does it offer the compassion or relief I need at this moment?
In closing, I want to share a prayer with you that can be the first step in unfriending the mean girl:
I’m so glad You made me. I see Your light in me. I see that I am a woman created, chosen, forgiven, and redeemed by her Father. And because YOU first loved me I choose to love this face, this body, this soul, and this mind. You have called your creation of me “Good!” and I will not argue with You!
I hope my words today have been an encouragement to you. If you’re struggling in this area, I’d love to hear your story and pray for you. You can leave a comment below or click here to contact me via email. If you want to receive updates about new blog posts click here to subscribe.
If you’d like to read more about who God says you are check out this post: What God Thinks About You.
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