Unprepared

Even after all these years I’m still tempted to believe that there’s something I can do to save myself. Self-sufficiency strangles my sanctification.

I
communion, unprepared

I’ve been disobedient.

You might be wondering, hoping, I will tell you all the ways I’ve been disobedient.

I won’t.

It wouldn’t matter. Really.

Some things I’ve done wouldn’t surprise you. You’ve done them, too.

Other things I’ve done would surprise you.

What’s Important Here?

1. Whom have I disobeyed?  God

I have not complied with the command, direction and/or request of God; several commands, directions, and requests of God to be exact. Again, not telling

2. When have I disobeyed?  Pick a day, an hour. Lots of times lately.

3. How did I know?  We’ll honestly I’ve known all along. I just didn’t want to see it or think about it or deal with it.

An Unprepared Heart

I went to church but I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to sing. I didn’t want to feel. And I’m standing there surrounded by worshipers trying hard not to be one.

That’s when I saw it.

Sitting there at the front. The bread and the wine.

No! Not today. I’m not ready. I can’t do it today. I haven’t prepared my heart. Actually, my heart is very, very unprepared.

I thought about leaving.

Pretending to be sick.

Hiding in the bathroom.

Going to the car.

But I didn’t move.

Then I thought: when they pass it around I’ll just hand it off to the next person and no one will notice that I didn’t participate.

Our pastor spoke about its meaning. He said, “Open your Bible.” I didn’t. He said, “Write this down if you’re taking notes.” I couldn’t. He finished speaking and praying. It was time. Then he began to give instructions for Communion—for receiving in remembrance of Him.

Did I hear correctly? We would have to come? Receive? Really? Get out of our seats, walk to the front, take the cup, and the bread? I’ve done it that way before but today I just wanted to stay in my seat, arms folded over my heart.

Our pastor says, “Come”.

Jesus says, “Come”.

My heart cries out in confession, “I’m not prepared. I am very, very unprepared. O Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

My Savior hears my cry.

Jesus says, “Come. I’ve made the preparation. I’ve done all that needs to be done. Come. Receive.”

So I did and it has made all the difference.

I keep the cup as a reminder.

 

 

 

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4 Responses to Unprepared

  1. Glenda Phillips March 6, 2013 at 2:44 pm #

    I enjoyed each and everyone. The one about your mother and your feelings afterwards, I relate so well. Thank you for being so real! Love you, my sister in Christ.

  2. Charlie November 21, 2012 at 3:08 am #

    Thanks for being real. For being you. Keep on.

  3. Pam West November 19, 2012 at 6:59 pm #

    Oh how I’ve missed you, your honesty, your heart, your word, join you sister in the constant journey to His table!! Love you,!!! Praying for you and the family!!