We’ve been together 33 years this month and married for 31 years in March. I asked him out on our first date and we’ve been dating ever since; but, that doesn’t mean it’s always been easy. Even after all these years together, staying happily married takes work and requires us both to be intentional and committed to the task. One of the ways I’m being intentional is documenting our ordinary days with a photo.
Obviously, this is not us in the photo but isn’t that the sweetest!
The Hard Work of Marriage
Our days are ordinary. We work and eat and sleep. We play and pray and read and write. We watch tv and go to the store and run. We coach and counsel and lead and teach. And if we’re not very careful, we’ll do all those things together, but not as two-made-one. Our hearts and minds and hands can be so busy and distracted that we disconnect. It’s a slow fade. And it’s dangerous. We’ve been there.
I was talking to a friend recently and commented, “It’s good to see you and your family together.”
She smiled and said, “We’re working at it.”
I responded, “Marriage is really hard work. It’s two people, working really hard together, for the same thing.”
She said, “I wish someone had told me that years ago before all the hours and thousands of dollars we’ve spent in counseling.”
Why do we think marriage is easy? Or is it that we just want it to be?
My parents were married 50 years until death separated them so as a child and teenager I just didn’t understand divorce.
I confess I was shocked when I realized how much work and sacrifice and forgiveness it would require.
I’m not patting myself on the back or shaming failed marriages.
In all honesty, sometimes it’s been more work and required more of me than I’ve been willing or able to give.
I want to learn.
I want to stay married.
So I document the #ordinaryday.
An Ordinary Day on Instagram
If you follow me on Instagram then you’ve seen the posts of us each day. Here’s Sunday’s photo and you can see the outtakes in IG stories or #ordinaryday in my IG profile.
I started documenting our #ordinaryday on January 4. We were just 4 days into the New Year and I already felt distracted and disconnected. That’s not how I want to live.
I thought the longer we stayed married the easier it would get and in some ways it does. But in other ways it becomes easier to take our relationship and our life together for granted. That’s not how I want to live.
I want to live fully present and aware of the gift of ordinary time and ordinary days. Christ is near.
You may grow weary of seeing our silly selfies. I’ve worried about that a time or two. After I took the photo at Academy the other night I looked up and noticed the old guy working the returns desk mocking and laughing at me. For just a second I felt embarrassed and silly.
Until I remembered that I’m fighting for my marriage. It’s one of the small ways I’m doing my part for the happily-ever-after. I’m documenting the simple ways we do life together.
I suppose I’m really doing it for me—and for we. And “we” is a good enough reason to risk looking foolish to the whole world.
You and I are more than you and I because it’s we.
e. e. cummings
Instagram is my favorite! Click here to see our #ordinaryday photos and follow if you like.
Here’s a pin to share: